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Work. Sucked.
Very few thoughts littered Jeremy’s mind as he shuffled his way through the front door. What had been an intended easy paper pushing six hour work day turned into a nine hour massacre and last second TPS report submissions.
To say he was tired and sluggish would be an understatement. Unfortunately, it was his turn to cook tonight. He already dialed the Tim’s Pizza Palace for a delivery, so all that was left was a nice long shower and a night of the new made for television series Nerdy Space Vixons.
It was a terrible show. But a good kind of terrible. The kind someone could switch their brain off and let the good times flow between his ears.
Jeremy loosened his tie as he reached the door to the bathroom. “Huh. Weird. I don’t remember leaving the light on.“ It was possible he left it on. He had been a little sidetracked this morning on both time and the odd discussion Blake was so gung-ho about. His brain quickly satisfied the misstep as he turned the knob.
Sadly, his brain had been working rather hard all day and could not come up with the scenario that would lye before him as the door opened fully. There, right before him, stood a slender, large chested woman covered in only a bath towel that more laid upon her rather then covered her. Her long auburn hair swirled through the air as her baby blue eyes rested upon him with a deep passion that only his heart could interpret.
The next moment he was on the floor several feet away, and an assortment of pots and pans all around him. His face screamed in pain and so did he as his hands covered his face in the hope they could lighten up the nerves in some way. They couldn’t.
“PERVERT!” The woman yelled over his howls, and bloodied nose. “I’m calling the cops. Jail is the only good place for sickos like you!” With bath towel wrapped more firmly around her bodice. She stomped over to the phone and began to dial.
“I live here!”
She stopped on the last number. “What?” She took his words in and chewed on them a little bit before setting down the phone. “You’re Jeremy Wilson.” She stated flatly, comely disappointed by his display of manliness.
To be fair though she did hit him pretty hard. It did send him across the room, though this really doesn’t help out his manliness at all. Jeremy kept his hand over his most likely broken nose as he stood up. “Yeah.” He said cautiously. “Who are you? How’d you get in here?”
She crossed her arms over the towel. “I’m Mia Brooks. Your new tenant.” Mia almost yelled like he should know this information. “It’s about time you showed up! I was waiting outside all day. It was luck that I found the key under the mat. I even turned up the AC, it was so stuffy in here.”
“Um. I just posted that this morning. I’ve been at work all day.”  
“Of course and the first thing you want when you get home is a peep show. Maybe I will call the police.”
“Stop it. Okay. I didn’t know you were in there.”
“Likely story.”
By this point Jeremy had maneuvered himself over to a cabinet, taking out some paper towel for his still bleeding nose. He checked it and surprisingly it wasn’t broken but was still sore enough that it made him wince. Mia still stood there arms crossed, eyeing him suspiciously.
Jeremy rolled his eyes. “Right. Cause I’m forcing you to stand in my kitchen naked.” At that Mia’s face turned bright crimson as she raced back to the bathroom, slamming the door. Jeremy strolled over as he heard muffled sounds through the door. “Also I know it might be hard but if you press the little button on the doorknob, it might keep people out.” He called through the door only being answered with a quiet click.
The water started running, ending whatever conversation they could have had. In the living room sat ten large suit cases each a different color and brand. Jeremy’s shoulders sunk as the notion of sometime in the near future he would be carrying all of them to her room.
Said room, one of which Blake had suggested, was the master bedroom Jeremy’s parents once used. It had been years since he’d been up there. Climbing the stairs, he found himself starring at the blank walls where a slightly brighter square patches littered each of them. The bed was still there, made like it had been the last night he set foot in here, and the mirror hanging from the closet door reflected all of the nothing that only dust bunnies could fill.
A swift knocking from downstairs alerted to him that his pizza had finally come. Good. At least he didn’t have to cook. He sniffed a few times, making sure the blood had finally stopped before he wadded up the red towel and tossed it into the corner metal trash can with a flower painted on it.
He pulled out his wallet for the money, counting out the bills, as a tall skeletal woman stumbled through the door. “Hey.” She yawned. “Heard you had a place for rent.” She had on a backpack, and a business suit case in her left hand. She shoved both into his arms without a word, slumping onto the couch.
“You can’t just walk in here!” Jeremy bellowed but it was useless as she was fast asleep, curled up on the cushioned seat. She wore a wrinkled dress shirt with a pink undershirt and jeans ripped to shreds but still latched onto her body as a last resort. Her very short purple hair only made her pale complexion that much more pale and it didn’t help she had a big nose with three piercings to draw attention to it.
Jeremy looked around to set this woman’s stuff, finding none, he just dropped them on the floor. Back in the kitchen he braced himself on the wall and let the situation sink in. Renters. She had seen the ad. She knew where the key was and let herself in like Mia had. Upon retrospect the key under the mat was probably the dumbest place to hide the dang thing.
Jeremy pulled out his cellphone, switching between the five numbers he selected Blake’s, giving way to the ominously dull ring. Jeremy’s eyes wandered as the cell rang. The Kitchen was about the same as he left it this morning, with only a few missing elements such as the pizza boxes and frying pan. The dishes were still wear they have been all week but one little yellow paper stuck out above the rest. On the refrigerator a note with Blake’s handwriting listed Mia and Annabelle as two tenants showing up today.
The cell paused in its endless summoning rings, switching to voicemail. “At the tone please record a message.” The robotic voice informed Jeremy. “When you are finished recording you may hang up or-“
Jeremy hung up, silencing the automated voice. It was pointless. If Blake could get to the phone, he would. “Annabelle. That’s an interesting name.” he sighed, putting the phone back in his pocket.
There was another knock on the door. Forcing himself off the wall he went for his wallet again. As he opened the door the image of a smiling pimpled faced teenager holding out a delicious disc of awesomeness faded away, giving him the harsh reality of a pouty little girl in a summer red dress. “I want ice cream.” She demanded.
Jeremy blinked. “Excuse me?” not getting the answer she wanted she kicked him in the shin as hard as she could. Jeremy bit his lip, keeping the urge to yell down. He already cried enough for one day, and that was in the employee restroom around hour seven.
She made to push passed Jeremy but he caught her hand. “No. This isn’t your house. Go home or I’m calling the police for assault.” He really didn’t have time for this kind of crap right now, besides his shin really hurt. It almost override the sore in his nose. Almost.
The little girl began to cry. Tears streamed down her dark skin and her pigtails seemed to wag around as she dropped to the floor in a mad wine. Jeremy still had her arm, yet the little girl didn’t seem to care much as she somehow found a way to the ground bellowing the most pitiful crying he’d even seen.
Jeremy’s brain wasn’t exactly on its ‘A game’ today as it stalled to analyzed the present situation. It failed to pick up the footsteps behind him. A gasp, and his arm being jerked from the little girl. He felt something hard jam into his chin as his collided with the ceiling and then back down to earth, bouncing his temple off the doorknob. “GOD DAMN IT!!” he heard himself breathe through his chattering teeth.
“Serves you right.” Mia lectured, as she turned back to the little girl with the kindest and sweetest smile. “Hello there. Sorry about mean ol’Jeremy. Everything will be alright. What’s your name?”
The girl sniffled, her cries long gone. “A-Annabelle Morison.” Annabelle whispered, starring at the floor as if she had done something wrong but wouldn’t admit it. “And Daddy said I had to stay here while I go to school.”  
“Summer courses? They’re a drag huh?”
“Yea.” Annabelle smiled up at Mia. “But I only need three more courses and I finish my degree.”
“You’re going to college.” Jeremy coughed, pulling himself off the floor. His ears still rang but at least the floor was keeping steady under his feet.
“I’m seven and a half.” Annabelle glared at him.
Mia laughed. “Jeremy’s a little slow. Don’t worry he’s harmless. Just make sure you lock your door at night. He tends to peek in.” She warned, picking up the matching red suit case on the sidewalk.
“DO NOT!” He yelled, or at least the thought he did. His head was feeling a little heavy. The two girls laughed as they made their way in completely ignoring Jeremy’s comment.
It was around this time the pizza got there and with the fortune of the gods the delivery boy had caught the whole ordeal on his camera phone. No doubt posting it to his wall on the newest hit spot on the web filled to the brim with advertisements and internet friends. So, now the world would be laughing at him.
He opened his wallet for the third time. “Huh. I thought I had a ten in here.” Shrugging it off, he paid the pizza boy, sending him on his way.
Before he walked in he placed a quick phone call to the pizza joint, Jeremy had a silent chuckle as he placed the pizza box on the kitchen counter. The delivery boy might be surprised to know he no longer had a job. Then he noticed the feet hanging off the couch arm.
Jeremy strolled in, knocking the woman’s feet off, them slamming to the floor. The woman with purple hair sat up. “Heeeeey.” She moaned groggily.
“Let me guess you saw an ad on Sherryslist and just decided to pop in.”
“Yup.” She yawned. “Names Lizzy. Ground rules are easy. Don’t wake me again, its magenta not purple hair, and don’t ask about the rope I keep in my bag.” She waved off lazily as she nodded off once more.
Jeremy stood there for a moment before he went back into the kitchen there was a certain computer and a very certain ad he had to remove.
Let's Start! Part 2
Had this for a few months now. Some friends of mine have been pressuring me to finish it. Not sure if there really is any MATURE content as there really isn't anything showing (an it's all text) but I'm sure if it is someone will tell me. :) 

Hope you enjoy! 
This story and all characters belongs to me. Duh.
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The show ended abruptly and a light pop song danced along the credits. The room let the tune carry as nothing else stirred. The names of the creators, animators, and countless others scrolled along the screen till finally the tune faded away. The screen went black.
“That’s it!?” Jeremy yelled. “That’s what they went with?” His arm out towards the wall mounted television, his annoyance dripping from his words.
“I gatta admit. That was pretty disappointing.” Blake stated plainly.  He took a puff of his still smoking cigarette before removing it from his lips. His black skull shirt and oversized zipper pants hiding his rather pale complexion. He tapped the ash into the trash just off the couch they both shared.  “To be fair though, you did get it at a discount.” His deep voice pointed out coolly.
Jeremy slumped back into his seat. “So? It doesn’t mean they have to pull some convoluted explanation resolving three seasons of conflict in the last ten minutes.” Jeremy ranted. “And after all that he STILL chooses her? The female lead was bland as hell.”
Blake pushed the dark unwashed hair out of his eyes, laying it behind his ear. “Yeah she was pretty bland. And dull. I kind of liked the chick in the robe. She was cute.” He agreed, placing the cigarette back in his mouth.
Jeremy got up, taking the DVD out of the player. “Who, Mazy? She had like five lines.”
Blake laughed. “And still was a better love interest.”
Jeremy laughed with him. “Yeah. I’ll give you that.” As the laughter between them died Jeremy couldn’t help but sigh a little. “I guess I was just hoping they’d take it a tad more seriously. I mean it did have a lot of dark moments from time to time.”
Blake contemplated this for a second or two before shrugging. “It’s a Harem anime dude. They all end that way. They’re all full of endless perverted jokes and slapstick. If the misunderstandings don’t happen then most of them would be over by the first episode.”
Jeremy chewed on this as he tossed the DVD case back on the movie shelf above the television. “I suppose so.” He sighed in defeat.
The clock on the far wall chimed noon as the broken coo-coo clock attempted to send out the missing bird to yell at them. Blake tapped more ash into the trash can. “Hungry?” he asked calmly, as he smashed the cigarette onto a used plate full of hardened cheese.
Jeremy was already at the bathroom door just off the kitchen. “You’re cooking. It’s just I’m not eating the leftovers. It’s starting to turn blue.” Jeremy closed the door and prepared the shower.
Sometime later, he exited with a wave of steam and cold air, dressed as some would call business casual. On the table lay a large sheet pizza only half gone, surrounded by plates of equally used status. The sink was completely empty but a few bubbles popped from the drain as per usual. Yet the counter space was cluttered with everything from paperwork to batteries to t-shirts and not a single touch a food within a five foot radius. The floor, oddly enough, was swept once in a while but years of wear and tear had left it permanently scarred by scuffs and grim. The refrigerator sat large and in charge, reigning over everything else.
Just off to its left stood Blake tending to a frying pan over the blazing fire of their oven. He swirled it about a few times before tossing the contents into the air only to catch it at the last second to be swirled again. Upon hearing the squealing door to the bathroom he turned, taking a fresh cigarette from his mouth. “You’re favorite; whatever-I-found-and-fried-together-with-a-hint-of-onion.” Blake grinned smoothly.
Jeremy’s stomach growled leaving whatever response he had moot. Ignoring his Friend’s increasing grin he checked the clock once more. “We really should fix this thing. It’s seven thirty not twelve thirty one.”
Blake stirred the contents twice more before killing the flame. “Go for it.”
“Maybe later. I don’t have time now.” Jeremy groaned, taking his seat next to the pizza box.
Blake said nothing only nodding sagely as he dumped the fried food on the remaining plates in the cupboard. They ate in relative silence only talking in grunts and mouthfuls of half questions that were too hard to finish. In time with their plates empty and their stomachs unsure of what they just had ingested, his friend took this time to pose a very innocent but catastrophic question. “Why don’t we create our own harem?”
Jeremy laughed. “Sure. Why not. I want a big breasted woman with a warrior spirit. You can have the robbed chick. We can get them to pay rent while we’re at it.” He let his chuckle continue for a few seconds longer before he caught Blake’s expression. “Wait, you’re serious?”
Blake sat his seat with his on arm over the side and the chair leaning back a bit. “Think about it. Surrounded by women. Each with quirky personalities willing to please you.” He smirked.
Jeremy placed his hands together carefully. “You understand life doesn’t work like that right? I’ve been on this earth for twenty two years and I haven’t had one woman go head over heels for me, let alone a group of them.” Jeremy explained, his voice getting a little more on edge as he went on.
“Easy. SherrysList.” His friend rattled off. Sherryslist was a morally questionable website to buy and sell just about anything from a chair to a date. Absolutely everything could be found on that website, for better or worse. It was even voted as being number five of the top ten websites one shouldn’t search through unless you’re with an adult.
Jeremy raised an eyebrow at this but Blake waved it off. “Oh stop. I know you think this is a stupid idea but hear me out. We’re at a prime location between all the major hot spots around town, we’ll have a little extra cash in our pockets for their graciously reduced rent, and we only have to accept the requests to the women we like. Come on, worse case would be if none of them are into you. If that happens we can just boot them out.”
Jeremy face palmed. “You’re talking about taking tenants. You realize how much work that is?” His question did nothing to deter Blake, it merely added to his unswaying smile.  
Blake shoved the clutter next to the sink onto the floor, revealing a battered and greatly outdated laptop. He flipped it open and began typing. “Sure.” Ignoring Jeremy’s concerns. “I mean if you’re not into girls…” he let the statement wander off as he paused his typing.
Jeremy glared at him. There were so many problems with that explanation it made Jeremy’s head hurt. “Fine. But all the paper work and stuff is your responsibility.” Jeremy grinned inwardly. There was no way Blake would be up for the challenge. He could barely get out of bed in the morning.
To Jeremy’s shock not five minutes later they had a post on Sherryslist for three rooms available. The coo-coo clock chimed once more, making Jeremy jump from his seat. “I’m going to be late!” He nabbed his brief case from the counter and was out the door in a flash.
As he raced down the street he heard a voice yell out to him from his kitchen window. “Dude we already got a hit!”
Jeremy froze at the corner. “What!?”
Let's Start!
A sort of joke idea I wrote for a friend. He thought it was pretty good, so I'm posting just a sample of it. I'm not done with it, not by a long shot, but I figured since It's been a while I should post something on here. Hope you enjoy. :)

All characters are owned by me.
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Twilight sparkled over the purple sky, the day long over but the night still building up the courage to begin. The lanterns were lite, boards creaked louder than usual, and dogs began their never ending blight to each other about where the stars came from or they’re just barking. Regardless, Brian rubbed his eyes to wipe the sleep away. He sat back in his chair, leaning up next to the building, as he faced the endless nothingness of the desert trail.
“Nice haircut, by the way.” Stanly commented as he stood closer to the firefly heavy lamplight, thumbing through a periodical.
“Thank you!” Brain half-heartedly shouted towards the heavens. “You have no idea what I’ve had to deal with today.”
Stanly paused, giving Brain a dull look. “Trish caused a bar fight over her again, the Domino brothers tried to swindle a farmer out of his deed to the farm, had to carry that bloke’s iron ass to three different metal smiths because none of them would even look at it and we had to get the crazy cat lady’s cat out of the Town Hall’s rafters five times today.” He rolled off his tongue, flipping back to his book. “You’re right I have no idea.”
Brian leaned forward in his chair. He grunted, waving Stanly’s comment away. “No, I meant people feel the need to point it out. ‘You got a haircut’. Yeah I got a haircut, I was there! No need to point it out. If you like the haircut fine you can tell me that but people should watch their semantics. It’s no wonder the human race has so many misunderstandings.” He patted Stanly for his attention then pointed out into the darkened sands. A small dot barely visible seemed to move out there.
“I’m sure it was just for their own benefit really. People don’t believe things are real unless they’re pointed out.” Stanly rolled his eyes, putting down his paper book, reaching for his rifle.
Brain, already off the porch with shotgun in hand, walked out to the edge of the dimmest light cast from the flickering lantern. “Kind of like those picture books for three year olds you’re always reading.” He chuckled, squinting into the darkness without much success.
Stanly pulled back the bolt to check the rifle’s camber. “Comic books Brian. They’re comic books. Just because I enjoy fine art with my reading doesn’t mean you have to jump down my throat about it. You’re just mad cause your wife hated the hair. Admit it.” He said, forcing the bolt back into place.
“SHHH!!” Brain bellowed, snapping his fingers then pointing to watch the dot that was now the shape of a person riding a horse.
Stanly sighed, lining up his sights. The horse squeaked and puffed as it slowly wondered toward them. The figure, starting as nothing but a shadow, became a battered long worn cloaked figure with a large brutish metallic arm with gears twisting and turning as they waited for its owners next move. Beneath the hood a brass jaw stood out catching the light of the night sky hauntingly.
Brian cocked his gun and aimed. “Halt. State your business.” He commanded with as much authority as he could muster, which wasn’t much at all.
Stanly lowered his rifle. “Brian its old man Jenkins. Just let him pass. Jeez, man you don’t have to be on edge all the time you know. You need to learn to calm down.” He added as Jenkins and his horse heavily clunked by.    
Brain studied the horse and its brass plating before lowering his shotgun. “The day I don’t keep my guard up is the day I die.” He spat, the black liquid rolling through the sand.
“Sure. And shoot every little critter or ant in sight.” Stanly chuckled at Brian’s dismay. “Go to sleep man. Our shift ends in a bit anyway.” Taking the little comic book between his fingers, flipping to the next page with a touch of glee.
Brain slumped his shoulders and was about to comment when a thud caught their attention. The horse continued into town but Jenkins lay in the dirt, dust clouded around his form. The night was silent as they both found themselves at the body’s chosen resting spot. A few onlookers paused in their night life to take note at the rider laying in the street. “Grab his legs.” Brian hissed through his teeth.
Stanly stood back, his hands over his mouth. “What’s wrong with his face!?” Trying to keep from upchucking.
Brian nabbed Stanly’s collar, “That’s why you got the legs. Move it.” He growled.
Guards
A snippet of a chapter I'm working on. It's completely out of context from the rest of the By Trade stories. Though I think I might change the name 'By Trade'. Hope you enjoy.

You know the drill, it's owned by me.

Picture by :iconjackcrowder:

 
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Like the title says I'm not dead yet. I've been working in the background, despite the lack of updates. A lot of other stuff going on as well. Don't worry, I will be posting some bits and pieces of what I'm working on. Also, there are some tournaments I'm looking at so we'll see how those turn out. :) Things are moving along well.   

Check out these talented people:
:iconaimlane: :iconsainttape: :iconflickeringthoughts: :iconladyriverlark: :iconfl0e: :iconbagnathesupervillain: :iconnoodlerama: :iconmtc-studios: :iconjackcrowder: :iconpuppydoctor:


Wait there's more! 
:icontbos-oct: :iconmoko-oct: Manly Guys Doing Manly Things by EirikHavre :iconthe-question-fans: :icondw-regenerated:
  • Listening to: Night Vale
  • Reading: Liminal States
  • Watching: Game of Thrones S1-S3
  • Playing: the hero
  • Eating: Dragon meat
  • Drinking: Liquid
Like the title says I'm not dead yet. I've been working in the background, despite the lack of updates. A lot of other stuff going on as well. Don't worry, I will be posting some bits and pieces of what I'm working on. Also, there are some tournaments I'm looking at so we'll see how those turn out. :) Things are moving along well.   

Check out these talented people:
:iconaimlane: :iconsainttape: :iconflickeringthoughts: :iconladyriverlark: :iconfl0e: :iconbagnathesupervillain: :iconnoodlerama: :iconmtc-studios: :iconjackcrowder: :iconpuppydoctor:


Wait there's more! 
:icontbos-oct: :iconmoko-oct: Manly Guys Doing Manly Things by EirikHavre :iconthe-question-fans: :icondw-regenerated:
  • Listening to: Night Vale
  • Reading: Liminal States
  • Watching: Game of Thrones S1-S3
  • Playing: the hero
  • Eating: Dragon meat
  • Drinking: Liquid

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:iconjackcrowder:
jackcrowder Featured By Owner Feb 14, 2014  Professional Digital Artist
:heart: :heart: :heart: Happy Valentine's! :heart: :heart: :heart:

Vanellope x Rancis Fluggerbugger SPICE DROP SNOW by jackcrowder
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:iconlastprotocol:
LastProtocol Featured By Owner Feb 14, 2014
YEAH! Happy V Day!!!
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:iconirobashi-chronicles:
Irobashi-Chronicles Featured By Owner Jan 10, 2014   Digital Artist
Thanks for the fav!

Check out my Commissions here!: irobashi-chronicles.deviantart…

Limited time free requests available!: irobashi-chronicles.deviantart…
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:iconlastprotocol:
LastProtocol Featured By Owner Jan 11, 2014
:) 
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:iconsainttape:
SaintTape Featured By Owner Dec 22, 2011  Student General Artist
Hey there, long time!
Thanks for the fave!
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:iconlastprotocol:
LastProtocol Featured By Owner Dec 25, 2011
np. :) Yeah it's been a while hasn't it? Heh. Hope you have a great Christmas and New year!
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:iconjared-hai:
Jared-hai Featured By Owner Oct 10, 2011  Hobbyist Digital Artist
Thanks for the watch!
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:iconlastprotocol:
LastProtocol Featured By Owner Oct 10, 2011
Your welcome. Wondering what'll happen next in the tournament. :)
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:iconjared-hai:
Jared-hai Featured By Owner Oct 10, 2011  Hobbyist Digital Artist
There's a lot on my plate for this round. I'm going to have trouble keeping it all together ^^;
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:iconlastprotocol:
LastProtocol Featured By Owner Oct 13, 2011
Hm, well the later rounds were going to be tough, especially with this many characters. Hm, you could write two separate stories, that is if you want to use all these characters. If you need or want any help/ideas I'd be willing to help out. In any case, I know you can do it. :)
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